Good Manners or Excellent Etiquette?

“Manners are sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use” ~ Emily Post

In today’s corporate world it has become mandatory for every manager to know the basic etiquette norms. 

Companies are investing a lot of money and effort in the overall development of their employees and a major part of that development deals with etiquette training.

What is etiquette?

Etiquette is a code of social behavior. Different cultures would have different etiquette norms for different situations, but the general guidelines are built around the same framework. Everybody wants to be known as a cultured human being because our social acceptance is dependent on our awareness of the social environment around us. 

If we know the basic rules of etiquette and are aware of our social surroundings, we can always govern our behaviour according to the current accepted standard. 

This is the reason why companies want their employees to be aware of the etiquette norms of the society. An employee who is well aware of all the etiquette norms can easily handle complex business situations in any part of the world. 

That is why learning cross cultural etiquette is emerging as an important value addition to an employee’s capabilities for performing International Business.

We cannot deny the importance of etiquette norms, but we have to remember that there is a very thin line between manners and etiquette.

What are manners? 

Showing consideration for people around you regardless of the current etiquette rules proves that you are a well- mannered person. This in any way does not decrease the importance of learning etiquette norms. In fact, it outlines the fact that good manners and etiquette go hand in hand.

Imagine a conference room scene where a CEO from XYZ company enters the conference room. He makes an impressive entry because he is immaculately dressed up and has a perfect knowledge of all the etiquette norms related to dining, hand shake etc. Suddenly during the conference, you hear the same CEO shouting at a peon as that poor fellow has dropped a little water on his clothes while serving it to him. 

It was just a simple mistake, and he could have just maintained his calm posture by simply accepting an apology from the peon. His immediate reaction was uncontrolled, and it revealed his true self in front of other people in the conference room.

This is where manners come into picture because they teach you how to maintain your dignity in a particular situation. Manners cannot be taught in a day. They are something that you inherit as a gift from your parents.

Parents start teaching good manners to their kids at a very early age, but we tend to forget most of them as soon as we become mature adults. We should start recognizing the importance of good manners.

• Learn to say the three Magical Words: Thank you, Please and Sorry. We are usually ignorant of the impact these magical words have on others. A simple thanks can work out wonders in a marriage or a professional relationship. Lot of experts have proved the fact that a simple thank you from either the husband or the wife to their respective partners for any specific job done by them adds lot of energy to the relationship. Can you imagine the impact it can make when a boss says thanks to his team for their effort? On the other hand, do not hesitate to apologize for your mistakes by saying sorry. According to Letitia Baldrige an ‘At Ease Executive’ is the one who knows a proper usage of these three words. According to her an at ease executive would ask a team member to work for some extra hours to prepare a specific report by adding ‘please’ to the conversation and by emphasizing on the fact that he is the only one who can do it in the best way. This kind of talk motivates the team member and he would be delighted to work for those extra hours and prepare the report.

• Give Respect and Get Respect: It is an old saying but it holds true in modern times also. To get respect we should learn to treat everybody with respect. If you are a very senior person in your company then despite your ill-mannered behaviour others might be forced to respect you. The respect you get is superficial because you are getting it by the virtue of your ‘position’ in the company that demands respect. As a person nobody will respect you and such people can never build good relationships.

• Be Considerate: Be considerate towards the needs of people around you. These people include your family members, friends and colleagues. Everybody is talking about gender equality these days and it is an integral part of etiquette training but for a change you can always hold the door open for a pregnant lady or give way to an old couple. These simple acts give you also a sense of satisfaction and happiness.

• Never Correct Anyone’s Etiquette in Public: This means that sometimes we have to break the etiquette rules so that we can show respect for others. A person with good manners would never pinpoint somebody’s mistake in front of others.

 A dignified person is respected by everybody but to reach that level we must first learn to be humble and considerate.